In fact, being a 26 year-old freshman and noticing an attractive woman that is a fellow freshman makes me feel more than a little dirty. I don't know how certain people do this. Then again, I feel dirty when I notice that a woman my own age is attractive. In fact, I think that's where part of my problem stems from. I love noticing the beauty that women have, but I can't say it, because I'm worried of how it'd be taken.
See, one of the things the Army drills into our heads is how to treat the women we're working with as equals. Of course, this is a good idea for several reasons, not the least being respect. It's hard to respect anyone when someone keeps walking up to them and saying how "cute" they are. Ironically, outside of work, most of the active duty people I worked with tend to be tools. Several times, I'd be home in my barracks room, and my room mates friend would come in, slap me on the back, and shout, "Hey, let's get some pussy!" Of course, me being the shy one back then, and also being the respectful nice guy, I'd say, "No." What I really meant was, "Do this again, and I will punch you so hard that the only lay you'll be getting is 'laid-up' in a hospital bed."
The Reserves is mostly a different monster. Yes, the asshole who only wants to get laid is present, but mostly, the guys are a pretty good group. The females, though... Let's not get into that. Let's just say that I will never date a female Reservist. But, the respect is still taught. Unfortunately, with me, this sticks to civilian life. I honestly fear that if I pay anyone a complement, I'm going to be sued for sexual harassment. I know how stupid this sounds, but I have reasons for this. I was threatened with a slander lawsuit by a person who said everything about themselves openly. On their blog as well.
Oddly enough, the Army is also to blame about me starting college so late in the first place. But, I can't blame the Army for my not being able to speak to women. No, I attribute that to the first time I asked a girl to a dance in the eighth grade, and it came out: "Wool you go dantce wilth meeeeeeee." If you can't tell how that ended, I didn't go to the dance, and she thought I was a babbling fool until high school. Despite having a girlfriend in high school that was attractive (seriously, people were asking what she saw in me... then again, she cheated on me... twice... with a guy who can only be described as "the troll under the bridge"), I was still single for prom. Ironically, my senior year is the the one year I had the balls to tell the girl I had a huge crush on for that past two years how I felt. This was in front of all of her friends, who all thought I was a loser. After that moment, they didn't think that... yet, I ended up back with the girl who cheated on me. Huh.
What it comes down to is that it's hard for guys like me to talk to women, not because we're too nice, but because of the biggest reason: the media has polluted people into thinking that nice guys don't exist. Go on Yahoo! and look up relationship advice. A lot of what you'll find is how men are jackwagons who want to get laid. This has created the stigma that there are no nice guys, and that women are either looking for the bad boys, or that all the good men are taken or gay, meaning they "have to settle for a guy who only wants sex." My reply to this?
Bullshit. Pure bullshit.
I refuse to believe that women are so stupid as to give up their search for a nice guy and settle for a cheesedick in an expensive suit with a bad pick-up line. I know better than that, because I keep failing in finding a woman because they usually find a nice guy that isn't me. Sure, I can be a good guy, but I'm willing to accept that I may not be the type someone's looking for. It also doesn't help that I can't seem to talk to women due to the fact that I can't talk to them without fearing that I'm going to have to talk to a lawyer as well. It's not like I'm Johnny Bravo. Maybe, I mean what I say?
I know that that question may come off as rough. I don't mean it to be, either, because I know that there are women who are smart enough to find good guys. What I am upset about is the fact that the media paints men as horny ass-baskets, and that women are stupid enough to date them. Hell, it gets worse. There's a movie coming out, perhaps you've heard of it? No Strings Attached. It's about a man who sleeps with a woman, just for sex. He falls in love with her, but she just wants sex, causing her to be upset that he's being romantic. It switches the roles, but still manages to make both genders look like asses. Yet, the very same day I heard about this movie, Yahoo! had an article saying that men are more romantic. I believe this to be true, but more or less because of necessity of both types. Men who want sex fake the romantic parts where as the men who want a true, loving relationship are more thankful for what they have, and remember the romance more.
I'm very sad to say that I'm getting jaded by this. All of my adult life, I've been in between comfort levels with women. Usually, when I do work up the nerve to ask a woman out, it ends up as a bad relationship, or I get passed up for someone else, worse or better. As old as I am, I'm starting to see that maybe I won't find a mature relationship, but at least it isn't all my fault. I've tried my damnedest, and I can say that.
And if worst comes to worst, I can blame the media.
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